Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
