Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
