PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
