my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
