for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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