I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
