like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
