I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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