I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
