Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
