I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
