Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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