I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
