Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
