Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
