Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
