Buhtt sex?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
