i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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