hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
