A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
