I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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