you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
