My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
