it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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