Non-Jews are for practice
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
