if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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