evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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