Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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