***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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