It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
