Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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