Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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