My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My dick has a subreddit
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
