i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
