its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
