how can u be prego again
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
