Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
