if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
