I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
