Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
