you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
