We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
