What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
