We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
