Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
