I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
