and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
