me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
