'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
