I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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