my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
