you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
