Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
