I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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