You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
